The only reason Remus was never Quidditch commentator is because the games weren’t designed to handle that level of smart, sarcastic commentary.
Also, he said “Fuck” way too often for McGonagall to sanction it.
“Sorry, Professor.”
Remus: Ever Fucking Merlin above, great catch by James Fleamont Potter–
McGonagall: Mr. Lupin!
Remus: Sorry, Professor. Anyway, Slytherin’s got the Quaffle now, because some people feel like snogging instead of going to practice – I’m looking at you Frank Longbottom. And… yes! Avery is practically knocked into the next century by a bludger artfully aimed by Beater Shacklebolt. See, Longbottom? That’s what dedication and practice do for you.
McGonagall: Less personal grudges, more game commentary, Mr. Lupin.
Remus: Sorry, Professor. And is that…? Yes! Seeker McKinnon goes into a dive! She’s brilliant! She’s perfect! She’s… a lump on the ground. Apparently she can see the snitch from the other side of the pitch, but she can’t see the ground right in front of her fucking face.
McGonagall: Alright, you’re out.
remus: fuck, that was fucking close.
mcgonagall: mr. lupin……please….
remus: right, professor, of course. there goes diggory – never liked him much, but what can you do? – and gryffindor’s got the quaffle! and fucking yikes – look at that shit – that’s clearly a fucking foul! so apparently avery can knock my fucking boyfriend into the ground, but he can’t catch the quaffle. ha!
mcgonagall: tone down the swearing, if you will, mr. lupin?
remus: sorry, professor. and here we go, the two seekers are neck for neck, toe for toe, and wait – fucking hell! is seeker mckinnon pulling out her wand and summoning the fucking snitch? i take back everything i fucking said about her, she’s brilliant – and it didn’t work, amazing. truly warrants an outstanding.
mcgonagall: slytherin seems to have obtained the snitch, mr. lupin.
remus: [covering his eyes] i’m sorry, professor, i seemed to have not seen it, therefore it didn’t fucking happen.
Muggle World: We’re sorry, Harry, you won’t get to compete in the contest. There must’ve been a glitch in our systems. You weren’t supposed to be in the draw at all, you’re too young.
Wizard World: Send this child to the death games! The goblet has spoken!
I recon Remus being a werewolf would be the worst kept secret in hogworts… like when snape finds out the next evening at dinner he get up and tells the whole school.
Remus is terrified and looks about ready to be sick or pass out.
james and Sirius are ready to protect him .they both have there hands on there wands ready to let hexes start flying at anyone who dare try hurt there friend.
Peter watching not shore what to do. But working out how they would make an exit if need be.
The teachers held there breath ready to step in.
Then someone laughs.
“What Remus? Are Remus lupin? The Remus who is lovely to everyone and cried once because a dog was too cute? Funny one snape. Whatever next james turning into a goat?”
James didn’t miss a beat.“ahh no don’t be stupid I’m a stag actually ! Gosh !” Rolling his eyes dramatically.
Sirius grins “I’m actually a Great Dane, keep up!”
And it just becomes this huge joke.
Peter helps feed the rumours. Keeping the joke going.
“Ah the curtain has fallen down must be werewolf lupin ”
“Ahh thers no more chicken left must have been werewolf lupin ”
“ I haven’t got my homework werewolf lupin ate it”
“Ahh a animal has been found dead on the grounds must have been werewolf lupin ”
And Remus is like “ ….yea about that last one.”
It even got to a point where he got a new scar on his face. He had no explanation for how he got it and a sixth year laughed saying “ werewolf fight I see. Did you win “moonie”?“
And Remus would just laugh uncomfortably ” ahh yea” And the sixth year high five’d him and wonder off no questions asked.
No one questioned the blatant Proof that started popping up because there lovely Remus lupin couldn’t be a werewolf .
Remus has never felt to confused but excepted in his life.
fleur delacour is so important i can’t even put it into words
badass girl whose “most precious” was her sister, who despite what anyone might think of her (cough molly cough ron cough hermione cough) looks past any aesthetic unpleasantries because she is completely and irrevocably in love with bill, who willingly risks her life for harry (the seven harrys, anyone???), who manages to create a spot of brightness in the middle of war (wedding!!!), who is feminine and badass at the same time, who opens her home to an entitled goblin and multiple refugees/runaways, who doesn’t sacrifice one bit of her integrity or character despite the looming threat of war
I will forever be impressed that Fred and George not only figured out both the ten word, twelve syllable password to activate the Marauder’s Map, but also, out of all the things they could have nicked from Filch’s office, they chose a somewhat grubby bit of parchment whose sole purpose seemed to be to insult the user.
SlythKris (tumblr backup babey) 