people: i bet actual studying went on when harry wasn’t at hogwarts
hogwarts mystery: your fellow student is going to try and kill you and constantly duel you also theres some weird vaults somewhere that you need to find more out about
expectations: experience hogwarts and learn a few new things
reality: death threats from that bitch merula snyde 5 minutes after stepping off the hogwarts express, my 11 year old ass getting choked by devils snare and being stressed about having no energy to get out of it or get through classes
Headcanon that an outraged 6-year-old Charlie Weasley writes to an elderly Newt Scamander wanting to know why Gringotts keeps a dragon locked up underground and begging him to fix it. Newt writes back saying that sadly he’s been fighting that fight for years and no one ever wants to listen to him because the powerful families whose money is being kept safe by the dragon always shut him down, and that Charlie is the first person he’s heard of who’s as angry as he is about it. Charlie decides that day to dedicate his life to finding out everything he can about dragons so that one day he can free the poor Gringotts dragon. After the war, when they hear that Harry, Ron and Hermione freed the dragon, they celebrate and immediately begin petitioning to have it made illegal to imprison dragons so that nothing like that ever happens again. It’s only when Hermione becomes Minister that it’s finally signed into law.
This is the best Harry Potter headcanon I’ve ever seen
yes yes yes
Just imagine how that conversation would go though, like Charlie’s been learning about dragons his whole life, studying them, learning about the laws surrounding them, practising the jailbreak of dragons by smuggling one out of Hogwarts, preparing for the moment when, one day, he can free the Ukrainian Ironbelly from Gringotts.
And Ron’s like “Oh, yeah, don’t worry about it—we broke into Gringotts and used him as our get-away vehicle. He’s just chilling in the wilds somewhere now so, yeah. Job done.”
I want an AU where Ron, completely convinced that he’s overshadowed by all his brothers and will never be as remarkable or as well-recognised as any of them, just accidentally achieves all of their major life goals without noticing. They’re all super jealous and think of him as The Golden Brother and he’s completely clueless.
I’m not sure this is an AU to be honest. I mean:
Bill Weasley: Curse-breaker, works for Gringotts breaking into cursed tombs and distributing valuables to heirs. Ron Weasley both broke into Gringotts itself and destroyed the ultimate cursed object, a Horcrux. Check.
Charlie Weasley: Aforementioned dragon stuff. Check.
Percy Weasley: Social climber, status seeker, desperate for attention and approval from his superiors. Ron: Literally married to the actual Minister of Magic. Check.
Someone else add on to this with Weasley-twin eclipsing stunts and hijinks, I’m sure there are some but my brain isn’t thinking of them right now.
Charlie:
The twins had it worse than anyone.
They wanted to be the worst troublemakers Hogwarts has ever seen?
Ron stole a flying car, flew it from London to Scotland (breaking the international statute of secrecy so many times in the process), and then crashed it into the Whomping Willow. In his second year.
They wanted to use the Marauders Map to learn all the secrets of Hogwarts castle?
Ron helped discover the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets, managed to sneak into the Slytherin common room and had weekly meetings in the Room of Requirement. Oh, and he also managed to top it all of by discovering the secret of the Marauders Map itself.
They wanted to at least make sure that they ended their last year at Hogwarts as the main talking point in the school— y’know, since they put so much effort into all those cool pranks and things?
Ron only goes and takes part in a battle at the Ministry of Magic, during which actual Lord fucking Voldemort shows up and posesses his best friend, safely ensuring that nobody’s going to be talking about that cool swamp the Weasley twins made anymore.
One of the main reasons they started Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes was that they knew that Ron wasn’t interested in starting a business and so was unlikely to one-up them in that regard (and then he ended up becoming a partner in the business…)
For years, whenever Ginny confided in her older brothers about her crush on Harry, it was a running joke with all of them except Ron (who never knew about it) to tell her that she’d better get a move on, whatever happened, lest Ron steal her dream too and propose to Harry.
You know who has the potential to be a really terrifying villain?
Gilderoy Lockhart.
We can all agree that Lockhart does a lot of messed up shit in pursuit of attention… but what if you take it a step further?
Lockhart knows what he’s doing is bad… there’s a level of guilt involved, which is why he tries to hide it. With each story he steals, each person he obliviates, he starts to tell himself, convince himself, that this is for the best… he’s relieving them of a burden and they’re happy to do this for him! Everyone really wants what he wants, deep down.
He lies to himself over and over again, attempting to justify his actions and relieve the nagging guilt until one day it becomes his truth. Everyone wants what he wants. Everyone wants what’s best for him.
The guilt is gone.
But what if it doesn’t end there?
This ‘truth’ extends to everything… not just his pursuit of attention and fame. No matter what he wants, or what he does, he believes that everyone feels the same.
Each thought that enters his head, each desire… he starts to act on… because if there’s no consequences, no chance that he’ll disappoint someone, then he no longer has reservations.
Every intrusive thought, every impulsive urge, Lockhart carries out.
Because there’s no one else. It’s just him… his desires, his ambitions, and everyone else is there for his use, because they want to be.
I’m telling you guys… enhance of few of Lockhart’s existing qualities, and he could be one terrifying villain.
And given his skill at obliviate, he gets a fair way down that path before anyone even realises he is a problem.
After all, his way really is the best, even if others don’t quite realise it yet. So he’ll make it easy for them, remove their conflict. He gets what he wants, they don’t have to worry about it. He’s doing them a favour.
(at some point, he realises that obliviate is such a messy spell, only useful after the fact; imperio is much tidier)
I don’t ship Drarry but with that being said, I will accept no other Drarry prompt than them stubbornly competing to outdo the other for the sheer drama.
It starts off when they’re still enemies in the Goblet of Fire. Draco makes a taunt about who Harry’s going to ask to the Yule Ball and how they must be from the worst of the worst lot and Harry rolls his eyes and says, “Well, fitting you say that, Malfoy, because I was going to ask you.” A perfect zing, Harry. 10/10.
But now the ball’s in Draco’s court and obviously he’s not going to pass up on the chance to humiliate the scarhead so he takes the most logical route of humiliation and calls out his bluff: “Fine, Potter, I reckon we’re going.”
But do you think Harry James Potter is just going to back down? That stubborn teenager is going to stare Draco down and say, “Reckon we are.”
Ron’s confused and Hermione’s confused and literally the entire castle is confused but Harry’s satisfied because he called out a bluffer’s counterbluff with a bluff of his own. And they just keep it up.
“I suppose you don’t even know how to dance, Potter?”
The furious teenager who spent years having to watch soapbox dramas with Mrs. Figg just glares at him in his stupid dress robes. “I know some things.”
“Prove it.”
“Fine.”
It’s like that for days until Draco makes the ultimate power move by inviting Harry to the Malfoy’s Annual New Years Eve Ball, taking out a Daily Prophet ad no less, because oh, oh, he’s got Potter now. He’ll never accept and he’ll be humiliated in front of the entire wizarding world. And do you think Harry’s just going to go down without a fight? God, no, he’s going to win whatever the hell this is because he’s Harry Potter, Draco better be worried, oh boy.
They’re still going at it six months later.
“Err—Malfoy?” Crabbe says. “Potter just sent you a dozen roses?”
“That son of a bitch! Send a box of chocolates. That’ll show him.”
James’ stomach churned as he approached Professor McGonagall’s office. He drew up his strength and knocked on the door.
“Enter!”
James nearly ran for it.
In the end, he bravely entered.
Professor McGonagall looked up from her book and crisply said, “Mister Potter; is something wrong?”
“No,” James replied, “Not exactly.”
Professor McGonagall surveyed the twelve-year-old for a moment before asking, “Well, can I help you with something?”
James hesitated before saying, “Err…hypothetically…”
“Yes?”
James took a deep breath and it came out all at once, “Hypothetically, if animals can’t be infected with lycanthropy then does that mean that Animagus’ in their animal form won’t be infected as well?”
Professor McGonagall looked petrified.
She slowly removed her glasses.
“Hypothetically, of course,” James weakly said.
“Of course,” Professor McGonagall softly said, “Well…Mister Potter…hypothetically…I’d have to say that that is, indeed, true. However, it is also extremely dangerous to become an Animagus and one cannot officially begin the process until they’re of age.”
James nodded before asking, “And what process is that?”
“Potter-”
“Hypothetically, Professor.”
“Right,” Professor McGonagall skeptically said, “Hypothetically, it is an extremely complicated process. It would take years of hard work.”
“Fascinating,” James innocently said, “And…err…hypothetically…do you know where I might find some books to look up this process? It sounds very interesting.”
Professor McGonagall rubbed her eyes and said, “I have not memorized the layout of the library, Mister Potter. That would be a question for Madam Pince. However, any book that you find will tell you what I already have – that you cannot become an Animagus until you’re the age of seventeen!”
“Of course,” James cried, “I’m just looking hypothetically.”
oOo
James tried not to vomit as he approached Professor McGonagall after class.
“Ah, Potter,” Professor McGonagall cried, “I was hoping to talk to you. You have seemed nauseous for days. I want you to report to Madam Pomfrey for a Pepperup Potion. The flu’s been going around.”
The thirteen-year-old’s eyes widened and he quickly said, “Oh, that’s not necessary.”
He nearly gagged and added, “Professor, hypothetically-”
She groaned.
“-what would you suggest to help rid one’s taste buds of the taste of mandrake leaves?”
It was Professor McGonagall’s turn to have widened eyes.
“Hypothetically, of course.”
Professor McGonagall sighed and curtly said, “Well…hypothetically…I would suggest a bit of mint. Perhaps a bit of chocolate. Potter-”
“Thanks, Professor!”
James made a dart for the door.
“Potter!”
He sighed and turned back.
“Hypothetically,” Professor McGonagall quietly said, “If an underaged wizard were to attempt to become an Animagus and he was caught…he would face severe consequences. Including life in Azkaban.”
James stared at her for a moment.
At long last, he softly said, “Well, hypothetically, I suppose that wizard ought not to get caught then.”
oOo
James frantically knocked on Professor McGonagall’s door.
She whisked it open, sporting a dressing gown. It was, after all, three o’clock in the morning. The fourteen-year-old tried to act nonchalant as he fixed the pointed hat that was strangely perched on his head.
“Good evening, Professor!” James pleasantly said, “How are you?”
“What’s wrong, Potter?”
“Hypothetically-”
“Yes, yes, get on with it!”
She was getting quite sick of the questions; he was asking them almost once a week!
“-how would you get rid of antlers?”
Professor McGonagall stared at him.
“Hypothetically, of course?” Professor McGonagall finally asked.
“Of course.”
She shook her head and said, “Hypothetically, that student would need to Professor Slughorn and ask him to give them a Cornibus potion.”
“Cornibus?” James repeated.
Professor McGonagall nodded.
“Alright, thanks.”
“Potter,” Professor McGonagall quietly said, “Hypothetically…if a student is going to great lengths just to spend one evening a month with his friend, he is a very foolish man.”
James flinched.
Professor McGonagall then smiled and added, “But also a very brave one.”
oOo
James was finding it rather hard to remain calm.
He couldn’t supress the smile that was plastered on his face.
When the bell finally rang, signaling the end of class, he practically leapt out of his seat. Still, he patiently waited as the rest of the students left the classroom.
Professor McGonagall came over and gave him a quizzical look.
James glanced around, ensuring that they were alone.
He leaned forward and quietly said, “Hypothetically…it worked.”
Professor McGonagall’s mouth turned up at the ends.
“Hypothetically, I’m glad,” Professor McGonagall whispered, “And very proud.”
“Thanks, Professor,” James mumbled, “Hypothetically, of course.”
honestly, why does jkr think harry “ptsd” potter is gonna immediately settle down in to a long term relationship with someone he’s known since he was 12 and it’s all going to work out perfectly fine and he’s not going to be restless and unhappy and irritable which are all traits we have seen of him. let ginny realize she’s into luna lovegood and let harry have several years of living in a cottage in the woods away from everything so he can find peace again and then let harry become, ding ding ding, a professor at hogwarts because he’s better at teaching than anything else and him wanting to be an auror at fifteen is like wanting to be a firefighter as a kid
– everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
– everything draco does ever
– calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
– calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
– colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
– shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
– [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
– every single cat is professor mcgonagall
why
– POTTER
– ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it – “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
– he does that speech every year, verbatim. students come up with versions for every other teacher
SlythKris (tumblr backup babey) 