It comes for her, as it came for her husband, so many years ago. It comes for her, as it came for her Headmaster, the price of his ambition. It comes for her, as it came for far too many of her friends and students, in one war then another.
Death comes for her.
Minerva McGonagall Looks at Death, and raises an eyebrow.
Death pauses, then nods and backs away. “We’ll call this number three then, shall we?”
She smiles as she turns back to her paperwork. There is a reason her animagus form is a cat.
Single best thing ever in my life have I ever read about my one true babe Minnie.
AU where Minerva McGonagall has a little less faith in Albus Dumbledore so she does agree to leave Harry at the Dursleys.
But then proceeds to move right in next door with her wife because Albus never said that she couldn’t.
So Harry grows up with two grandmalike aunties next door, who basically finnagle him into living with them in all but name. It’s great, until he gets to Hogwarts because he keeps accidentally calling McGonagall Aunt Min instead of Professor.
The more I think about this the better it gets because suddenly a small biracial orphan appearing on the Dursley’s doorstep is less scandalous and gossip worthy in the
pasty ass white suburbia of Privet Drive, when it’s compared to the elderly lesbian interracial couple who moved in next door.
yknow the more jk rowlings world falls apart in america (race relations, international history, population, etc) the more i like to think that america just straight up doesnt have the statute of secrecy. european countries are falling over themselves hiding magic but come to georgia and theres a drunk redneck wizard wingardium leviosa-ing the shit out of a tractor to the delight of his drunk redneck muggle buddies in a walmart parking lot.
wizard on muggle violence is prevented by virtue of there being like a 50/50 chance that muggle is packing heat. muggle on wizard violence is prevented by knowing that wizard can give you boils spelling LIL BITCH on your forehead if you try to start something.
america is the weird redheaded stepchild of the magic world.
im not gonna stop reblogging this until this is the next Hot Fanon
english muggles come back to england and suspicious wizards meet them at the airport.
‘did you witness any strange or inexplicable acts while you were in america?’ they demand.
the english muggles just laugh in their dumb fucking faces. mate, it’s america.
what’s the difference between a werewolf and an animagus?
english wizard: *two hour lecture on legal history*
american wizard: six beers
@jumpingjacktrash congrats ive read hundreds of comments on this dumpster fire of a headcanon and yours is the best
thank you my patronus is a monster truck
I have reblogged this I don’t even fucking know how many times but I still completely lose it every time I see the words “My Patronus is a monster truck” because that is the most AMERICAN thing I’ve ever seen in 29 years of being ‘merican.
Variant: What with the International Statute of Secrecy being an international law, the American magical community suffered quite a bit at the hands of forcible attempts to make everyone conform to it, until anti-seclusionist magical forces got their hands on the sort of magics being used to hide the wizarding world from nonmagical society, and hid themselves and their communities from the magical government and its institutions.
That’s why Ilvermorny is “the only American wizarding school.” That’s why the American magical population feels like something the size of the British one pasted on something a couple orders of magnitude bigger. That’s why Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them is so white. That’s why nonmagical people have a persistent quiet willingness to believe in magic just enough to allow for the possibility of its existence, and fill their stories with it, and readily interact with the idea of it. It’s an elaborate homegrown smokescreen to hide hundreds of integrated magical communities from the magical community that demands magical communities keep themselves secret.
The forces behind the International Statute of Secrecy made themselves such an absolute nuisance that some 95% of the magical population of America stole their hide-from-the-muggles spells and locked them out of knowledge of their existence.
The International Wizarding Community: “You are now forbidden to let any nonmagical people know you exist.”
Six Gazillion American Wizarding Communities: *Jedi mind trick hand motions* “Fuck you, we don’t exist. Nothing to see here.”
The International Wizarding Community: “Looks like the problem’s been solved, I guess. Pip pip cheerio.”
Six Gazillion American Wizarding Communities And Their Muggle Friends: “OK I’mma cast Engorgio on my tires and invent Monster Trucking, hold my beer.”
did everyone just forget about when bill was attacked by greyback and he had a ton of scars and mrs weasley was like “oh better call off the wedding” and fleur was like “why the fuck would we do that” and mrs weasley basically said that fleur only liked bill bc of his looks and fleur totally told her and was like “i love him no matter what he looks like” and she turned out to be really cool
I feel like fleur is underrated
what she said exactly was “i’m beautiful enough for both of us” and honestly when has anything been more iconic
Fleur is constantly shit on bc she’s pretty. Esp by Hermione and even Ginny. Fleur was a Triwizard Champion, deemed the most worthy in her entire school. She’s not stupid, and when Harry reminds the girls that she’s not an idiot, both Hermione and Ginny accuse Harry of only sticking up for her because he thinks she’s hot.
This smacks uncomfortably of the “girls bring catty and hating the pretty girl” bullshit.
Fleur never forgot that Harry saved her sister when he did not have to, and even at the time, she outright stated that she “deserved zero” points for allowong the Grindylows to stop her.
Fleur is part veela… It is literally in her blood. She can’t turn it off. And blaming her for guys being attracted to her is way to similar to “she’s asking for it”.
Mrs. Weasley, who is known in the fandom for taking in strays and loving everyone So Much, actively hated Fleur for over a year… With absolutely no concrete reason to do so. Ginny says that the only reason Bill likes Fleur is that “he’s always gone in for a bit of adventure”. And imho this is one of the cattiest, most insulting things ever said in the entire series.
Fleur is the Elle Woods of the wizarding world. She has had to fight against her looks every step of the way, to prove that she belongs at the table. That she isn’t just a pretty face. That she deserves the attention for her deeds or her words or her heart, not just because of her face. To not be objectified by everyone she meets, to make friends who care about her for who she is, not what she looks like.
I maintain this is why she chose Bill. He treats her like a person. And why she adores Harry. Harry has always treated her like a person too. He blushes when she kisses him, but he’s a 16yo boy, he blushes at everything. And when they first met, he was nervous around her… but he was also nervous around Cedric and Krum. It was because they were older than him, not because of a crush. Harry never once thought about asking her to the Ball.
At the Burrow, Harry doesn’t stare at her or clamor for her to kiss him, or get distracted and drop things because she’s nearby. That’s why she likes him. Nearly everyone else in that house is awful to her. It’s really not a surprise that she’s a bit snotty back.
Yes. Fleur is hella underappreciated, and I have Feelings about it.
– everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
– everything draco does ever
– calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
– calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
– colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
– shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
– [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
– every single cat is professor mcgonagall
why
– POTTER
– ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it – “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
– [random object] is totally a hufflepuff
– remember that game where someone yells “SHATNER” and you have to overact? same thing except it’s “TRELAWNEY” and you have to use whatever you’re holding to make a ludicrous prediction
– a more popular variation is “LOCKHART” to make up a pompous story about using whatever you’re holding to drive the [monster] out of [town]
– calling hippogriffs “leggy birbs”
– “Our beloved headmaster Albert Dumpsterfire/Aqueous Disillusionment/Aberdeen Decapitation…”
– shitty incantations ( “The Graying Hair Charm? Make-me-bloody-ancient-osia.” )
reblogging for albert dumpsterfire xD
-the dumbledore one, except you keep adding incorrect names, like albert pensive wallace herbert richard flamingo sherbet tango luthor…
-*peeves appears* IT DAT BOI
-”i’d rather be petrified”
-”so a shack gets to scream and it’s all normal and haunted, but when i do it i’m disturbing class and a nuisance”
SlythKris (tumblr backup babey) 