Just appreciate him. If for no other reason then because he appreciated Hermione.
Victor Krum was ready to fight Xenophilus Lovegood of all people in the goddamn street because he was wearing the wizard Nazi symbol from ww2. Like no holds barred throw down.
Protect my foreign son and his goodness. Let Victor punch Nazis 2k17
Also in the wedding he told Harry that “that symbol” [the one xenophilus was wearing] would be graffitied here and there in durmstrang by students who “agreed with grindelwald” (neo nazis, in a sense). But victorand his friends kicked their asses to show that kind of thing would not be allowed.
Boy straight up had his own gang of nazi-punching bros, heck yeah
A while ago, someone came up with the theory that Dumbledore had a horcrux – Fawkes. The SuperCarlinBrothers talked about this theory before being bluntly shot down by J.K. Rowling.
But the joke’s on you, Jo. I was already torn apart by you when you said that all disabilities in your world would be “fixed” or “overridden.” You can’t hurt me anymore! Haha! I’m as immortal as Harry!
“Wait, as immortal as Harry?”
What do I mean?
Well, I’ll tell you!
I think that the original theory was onto something. I think that Fawkes was a horcrux. But I don’t think he was Dumbledore’s horcrux. No, no…
I think that Fawkes was Harry’s horcrux.
Now, before I begin, note that this is just a theory and that it’s midnight, I’m tired, and there’s a good chance that I might not get everything right. But I’m going to try. I await your many many many messages in my inbox to explain why certain things I bring up can or cannot work.
First of all, let’s get the shakiest part of this theory out of the way. The prophecy. The prophecy has always confused me but I’m pretty sure it can still fit into this theory. I’m just not exactly sure how. Again, I’m tired. So let’s just assume that the prophecy fits perfectly.
And here we go…
To repeat: I think that Fawkes was Harry’s horcrux.
A horcrux, of course, being an object in which a person stores a minuscule piece of their soul which keeps them alive.
And I believe that Harry has unknowingly stored a piece of his soul in Fawkes.
And I know what you’re thinking.
“Ah, marauders4evr, you truly are tired. Don’t you know that you have to kill someone in order to create a horcrux?”
I do know that.
“Little tiny innocent Harry Potter is a pure cinnamon roll too good for this world. Surely he has never-”
Ahahahahahahaha.
Remember that time little tiny innocent Harry Potter stabbed a gigantic snake?
I do!
And I think that after he does this, a little piece of his soul jumped ship, merging with Fawkes’ soul. After all, Fawkes had landed on his arm in order to cry Harry back to life.
“No, wait, no. J.K. Rowling said it herself – in order to create a horcrux, you have to perform a ritual so disgusting that her editor nearly vomited when hearing about it.”
Clearly her editor has never read fanfiction but I digress.
It is true that usually some big dark ritual is performed in order to create a horcrux.
Except for one occasion.
It’s widely accepted that the reason why Harry became a horcrux is because Voldemort’s soul was so splintered (from the amount of horcruxes that he created) that a piece of it just broke off and went into this child.
“So, wait, Harry’s soul was splintered?”
Well it certainly wasn’t stable. You’ve got two souls that have been suddenly fused together faster than Ruby and Sapphire. And we know that Harry’s soul has always been unstable. That’s why the Dementors affected him more. That’s why he kept having weird dreams wherein he saw into Voldemort’s mind. That’s why his scar hurt whenever Voldemort was nearby or angry or existing or…you know that part was never clear. But the point is that we know that Harry’s soul is corrupted. So much so that I think it’s safe to say that it’s splintered, splintered enough that after murdering a snake in cold-blood, a part of it flies off and attaches to Fawkes.
“Okay, marauders4evr, take it easy. If Harry’s soul was so splintered that a piece of it could break off after he murdered someone without the need for the dark ritual, then why wasn’t a horcrux created when he burned Quirrell to death hmmm?”
Okay first of all…why doesn’t anyone ever talk about the fact that Harry straight up killed his professor? I mean it was in self-defense but still…you think anyone would talk about that but they don’t, not in canon or in the fandom. But I digress.
Who’s to say that Harry didn’t accidentally create a horcrux after killing Quirrell?
“Okay, now you’re full of it.”
Probably but hear me out.
What if a little tiny piece of Harry’s splintered soul did break off and go into an object in the room? Maybe an object he was holding like…
…oh snap.
Yep. If you want, you could also argue that the Philosopher’s Stone was briefly a horcrux. I say briefly because Albus Dumbledore states outright that Nicolas and Perenelle destroyed it. (Note: Not the Nicolas and Perenelle from my books, although wouldn’t that be an interesting twist?)
So the Philosopher’s Stone is gone. Kaput. Which means so is that little tiny piece of Harry’s soul. Which stinks. But it’s not really relevant to this theory, it just provides a safety net for lingering questions.
But I digress…
I think that Fawkes is Harry’s horcrux. Which explains why Harry seems to be drawn to him so many times in future books. The others seem comforted by his songs but Harry has always had a genuine connection with him which isn’t really explained. What if this is that connection? Two souls reaching out to one another, causing a subconscious connection?
“Okay so Fawkes is Harry’s horcrux. What does that mean?”
That means that if Harry were to say, walk into the Forbidden Forest to stare Voldemort straight in the eye and accept his fate…
He would come back.
Because really, it’s never explained how Harry comes back. There have been a few feeble guesses. This is mine.
The reason why Harry came back is because he couldn’t die because a piece of his soul was in Fawkes.
As long as Fawkes is alive, Harry cannot ever truly die.
“Wait a minute…Fawkes is always alive.”
And now you see the best part of the theory!
No matter how much Fawkes dies, he always comes back. Fascinating creatures, phoenixes.
Fawkes can never die. Which means, if you believe in this theory, that neither can Harry.
Which means that Harry can never die.
Which means that Harry Potter will always be The Boy Who Lived.
And really, what better way to symbolize his eternal life than a phoenix? It’s literally the representation of Harry – someone who ‘dies’ multiple times but always comes back. Harry and Fawkes. The Ones Who Lived.
remus lupin who rolls his eyes and looks away when something amuses him that really, really shouldn’t
remus lupin who bites the inside of his cheek when he really, really should not be laughing at that joke but is having a hard time not giving in
remus lupin putting on his stoic face because he absolutely, really should not be laughing at that joke, but then james stares at him expectantly and he doesn’t last more than twelve seconds before his face cracks into a wide grin that mirrors his mates
remus lupin having to cover his eyes with a hand because he’s been laughing his arse off for eight solid minutes and his stomach is burstin and he has just, just pulled himself together, but if he looks at sirius one more time he’s going to lose his shit again
remus lupin with the driest, sarcastic sense of humor you’ve ever heard
remus lupin with perpetual smile lines around the corners of his mouth and eyes before the years of loneliness, worry, and anxiety deepened them
remus with the same lopsided smirk he’s learned from his friends, and though it’s not a pronounced, it comes just as easily when he’s with them
remus lupin with a quiet laugh that takes awhile to warm up before increasing in volume and intensity and becomes the loudest, boistrous of the four and is always the last to die down
remus lupin who will throw your line back at you seven minutes later and arch an eyebrow and a tiny, self-satisfied smile that tells you he’s won
how did jk manage to write ootp and not come to the conclusion that the only career w any true meaning for harry james potter was as a goddamn professor at hogwarts like how do u write the da scenes and say “nah he’d want to be a wizard cop”
#but it would be so perfect??? #bc it would help normalize his life so much #like there would just be this generation of kids who are like #‘ugh who cares that he killed the dark lord he gAVE US HOMEWORK OVER BREAK’ #like the beginning of every year there would be the new first years who would freak out a little #but then it would calm down #and most of the students would literally forget #until like clockwork the fifth years would have their history of magic class on the second war #and they’d all show up to DADA looking a little awestruck and everyone would be extra quiet #and harry would give this kind of annoyed sigh—except it’s fake bc he TOTALLY knew this was coming #bc binns is a bro and he totally gives him a heads up every year #and harry wouldn’t have any lesson plans for the day and instead he would just sit at the front of the room and answer everyone’s questions #but otherwise everyone would just be like ‘professor potter!! i can’t get my patronus to work! help me!’ #and like they’d go home at the end of the year or for break and their parents—who ARE still starstruck by harry james potter #would pester their kids with questions#and the kids would just be like ‘merlin i don’t know?? potter’s such a huge dork you should hear him talk about proper wand movements’ #but they would all love him #and he would feel safe and normal and utterly accepted #AND I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE (via @cinematicnomad)
Not to mention it would be an ultimate Fuck You to Voldemort, who put a curse on the teaching position in the first place.
Like, Jo, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but COME ON
I already queued this but also, you do this, but still have Ginny become a famous Quidditch player. Imagine the first time Harry gets called “Ginny’s husband” before “the boy who lived” or “the chosen one.” Imagine how fucking pleased he’d be.
Imagine the first time a student comes up to him looking starry-eyed and Harry’s thinking “Oh no” because he doesn’t want to talk about Voldemort or the war but instead this little eleven year old is like “ARE YOU REALLY MARRIED TO WEASLEY FROM THE HOLLYHEAD HARPIES???!?? WHAT’S SHE LIKE?” and he’s like “oh thank god” because he could talk about Ginny all day.
Yes. Good.
Actually, all three of them should have become professors. Hermione would have become Headmistress, of course–youngest Headmistress of Hogwarts ever, and the only one willing to turn the portraits of her predecessors to the wall if they gave her too much lip about her efforts to modernize the curriculum. (She probably started as Transfiguration professor after McGonagall became Headmistress, but it wouldn’t surprise me if McGonagall was grooming her for the Headmistress job all along.)
And Ron took over as flying instructor for Professor Hooch; everyone thinks he’s an easy A because he’s so mellow and silly and hands out candy for good performances and his brother and sister sometimes visit the class to show off some of their old Quidditch moves and give away Wizard Wheezes to the best fliers, and it’s not until they talk to someone else from a different school or era that they realize that flying is actually really difficult to learn and Ron just found ways to slip all the teaching in under the fun so that they didn’t even notice. Things that seemed like silly tricks or goofy jokes turned out to be mnemonics for complex maneuvers, and of course nobody ever wanted to skip a class under his tutelage.
Dumbledore: Severus I’m still missing your photo for this year’s faculty newsletter
Severus: my apologies here it is
Dumbledore: you can’t even see half of your face. Maybe one less dramatic?
Severus: of course, headmaster.
Severus:
Dumbledore: I said less dramatic and preferably one where you’re not so alarmed
Severus:
Dumbledore: did you have a photoshoot or something
Severus:
Dumbledore: what no Severus you are not in a boy band what is this pose wait you’re not in one are y-
Severus:
Dumbledore: are those special effects
Severus:
Dumbledore: cool but still a no
Severus:
Dumbledore: dramatic and very fitting for you but you can’t have fanart as your faculty photo who even is your fan and why don’t I have fanart
Severus:
Dumbledore: bold choice going with the profile, I admit I didn’t think you’d go for it, but you can’t have a dramatic death quote on your photo either this is a school for children they still have hope at least until their first class with you
Severus:
Dumbledore: *sigh*
Severus:
Dumbledore: why is the school on fire
Severus:
Dumbledore: is that a Death Eater meeting
Severus:
Dumbledore: oh my god
Severus:
Dumbledore: seriously did you have a photoshoot
Severus:
Dumbledore: artsy but no
Severus:
Dumbledore: is that a screenshot
Severus:
Dumbledore: please stop
Severus:
Dumbledore: that’s it I’m taking away your photoshop privileges in the muggle studies computer lab
Severus:
Dumbledore: okay you know what fine that’ll do
Severus:
Dumbledore: no.
Severus:
Dumbledore: where are these all coming from
Severus:
Dumbledore: YOU KNOW WHAT NEVER MIND FORGET I ASKED YOU DON’T NEED A PHOTO
A concept: Hermione sending howlers to her kids on the Minister for Magic stationary. The letterhead and all official insignia become part of the soundblast.
THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC OF THE UNITED KINGDOM AND THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND
LEVEL ONE THE MINISTER FOR MAGIC’S OFFICE
HUGO FREDERICK WEASLEY, YOU BEST HAVE A WHOLE PRESENTATION ABOUT EXACTLY HOW YOUR NAME WOUND UP IN THAT BLASTED GOBLET AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOW IT CAME BACK OUT. INTERPRETIVE DANCE RECOMMENDED. HAS OUR FAMILY’S TRACK RECORD TAUGHT YOU ABSOLUTELY NOTHING? I AM SURE YOU ARE AWARE THAT THIS IS ONLY A VANGUARD OF A PERSONAL APPEARANCE OF YOURS TRULY.
TOURNAMENT NOR BINDING MAGICAL CONTRACT WILL HAVE TIME TO KILL YOU AS I’LL GET THERE FIRST. I AM SO CROSS.
THE RIGHT HONOURABLE MADAME HERMIONE JEAN GRANGER-WEASLEY, MINISTER FOR MAGIC, ORDER OF MERLIN FIRST CLASS, SPECIAL ADVISOR TO THE INTERNATIONAL CONFEDERATION OF WIX, GRAND SORCERESS
I’m a total sucker for fics where Harry is dark and gets sorted into Slytherin, but I’m also really disappointed with how Ron and Hermione are treated in them
So: dark au where the trio is sorted into Slytherin
Hermione, who wants to use knowledge to change the world
Ron, who wants to finally be free of his family’s shadow
Harry, who wants to be great, to be admired, to be free
The teachers adore quick, clever Granger, but Severus worries when he sees the way she eyes the restricted section, how her mind is filled with deadly recipes and the ways to use them
The purebloods learn not to badmouth the halfbloods, not to bully the muggleborns, because Hermione knows forbidden magic, Hermione knows the untraceable poisons and the painful curses-and Hermione knows how to avoid being caught
No one outside of Slytherin pays attention to Ronald Weasley, so quiet compared to his brothers, and that’s a mistake
Ron casts his first dark spell and the power takes his breath away, Ron sinks into the comfort of blood rituals and makes outlawed sacrifices to forgotten gods
Ron wonders how his family could abandon this happiness in favor of a flickering light
Harry, the chosen one, the special one, the abandoned one
Harry looks at the light, looks at the people that did nothing for him, and dives into the dark
Lockhart dies drinking poison, Snape finds the trio huddled around Peter’s body, the aurors that find Umbridge’s remains vomit, and the Wizarding World doesn’t notice
Voldemort rises and does not face an old man and a group of do gooders
Voldemort rises and faces a witch with a brilliant mind and no taste for mercy, a wizard that delights in bloodshed and manipulates people like he moves chess pieces, and the broken, bloody boy that’s won their loyalty
Voldemort falls
someone: are you a boy or a girl?
neville: i’m a botanist
someone: what gender are you?
neville: green
someone: what’s in your pants?
neville: my mimbulus mimbletonia
SlythKris (tumblr backup babey) 